2 Short Messages

dementia 3, TommyOshima


____I.

Letter to Mom (1993)


I first met you when you covered my eyes on Sunday mornings.
The TV played on, rudely, and I laughed in your palms' darkness.
You cried a lot then, I remember that...
Probably morphing into a lion is painful.

On weekends I dug holes in our backyard. On Monday
You'd insist I stay home with you...
____only now it occurs to me, your loneliness, that I made you happy.
I'd run home from the bus-stop afterschool to check up on you.
You had red-eyes, but I only noticed the smile.

We ate, you I and Sahar, sitting on the floor,
Probably it was easier without the empty fourth chair
____at the kitchen table.

At night I slept in the big room
On the opposite side of the house,
What you experienced I can't imagine- I can't even remember your bedroom,
Were there voices that spoke to you in the dark?, demons or guiding angels?

I don't know how we made it this far,
How we swam back up to air...

Were we ever children mom?
Were we ever anything but happy?



____II.

For Sahar (a prayer)


After your lesson, you fell asleep on the piano stool,
Remember?
The next morning you woke me with a Happy Song-
You set a record, I've never smiled more.

Before your operation we'd koshtee
I'd steal kisses and run, you'd roll and scream and laugh.
We'd dream it'd always be that way:
____a childhood; so heavy
____the stars would edge towards us at night.

I came to pray for you today... I saw your eyes: two.
____There's one that looks at me,
____the other that bends away, always perfecting
____some dream no-one deserves but you.
____At night you fly. Unicorns exist. You have friends.
____You walk upright.
____Sometimes you wake angry:
________You've been busy demanding an apology
________from heaven.

You wore white on your fifteenth birthday,
____(finally the princess dad assured you you were)
____That night you became my hero,
____It was your speech that did it...
And cards! You have aces in your blood,
____(and the black ones in your eyes)
____how do you always win?

I came to pray for you today,
____To help you picket for that apology,
____You and I with our signs, and our two
____notebooks full of hopes we'll never outlive...

I wanted paper between us.
____Words.
Whatever butterflies and laughs and the day we painted your
____room pink binds us... I wanted to add words too.

____No one will ever get it.
____You and I are alone but for each other...
____In words, silence, and dream.