an elusive answer drops lead-weighted from the fingertips of a hand i've never seen

exploding dog

The answer I could not give, to a question I could not ask was recently handed to me... I will quote her words, since invisible people I do not know, never have met in person, have my answers. Perhaps the night takes my soul from off its leash, and my soul finds dimly lit stars to drink tea by with other cavalier spirits, lost angels, and unforgiven sinners.

So this is the true answer to that question: I came to be here because I had no where else to go and I had everywhere else to go. I stayed here because I could have gone anywhere in the world and I was too scared to even think about that. Fear fills me. I fear staying here forever and fear going anywhere else. I am tired. I have no reason to be tired. I am too young to be tired. But I am tired. I am tired of being here. Everyday I think about leaving but I don't know how. I don't really want to be anywhere. I don't want to be in a place that has a name and people who belong there. I don't want to belong anywhere and yet I long to belong somewhere. anywhere. Contradictions fill my head and paralyze me (because I am at the very same time... really quite happy).

Monday's Child.