Saturday, June 28, 2008

the Edge of Heaven (a notapoem)















Lina Scheynius, personal-red

i am certain sometimes i can see the outlines of gates when i walk. __(In clouds, certain sweeping angels or swooning lovers,
____brokedown palaces children run in- moving as giggles and footsteps and thrown sunflower faces (round and round and round and all.fall. down) __(stepping across stones worn paper thin by endless footsteps and Time's sore hands,

and i stand on the border of some earthly hour, an afternoon, or a sunset, or a flickering television screen, and feel the weight of an entire Kingdom smiling at me from behind corners, and cherubim footsteps kiss the grass with shadow lips)
______and i peer from behind my face (hands) (ankles) (eyelashes) (black hipster underwear) and see people sleep.dream.love.leave.forgive.hope.commit.collapse.submit.surmount their way through.out.beneath.around.despite _f_l_e_s_h_, and land allsoul unto friend's.lover's.goal's porch, and smile (all smile), where... __here? no!

indeed, under that tree there, the olive tree, God sits and waits, smelling leaves, breaking twigs into smaller pieces, throwing them into the sand, delighting.

here? _no!

____(and somewhere a car passes, a man dances and bops his head; a body in a machine. __a soul in a body(machine) __(Russian dolls) _(when i looked into your eyes, i saw your other eyes looking back, and i smiled at them, and they didn't move or change, but the universe did, and it accommodated my new heart- my dilated soul (its head alone was the moon,
it's body Odysseus's sail flapping in the night wind,

and once, a smaller sailor i, with others- 12 year old adventurers, went crabbing in the rain, and i stared up at milky clouds and couldn't see the rain drops hitting my face, and felt wet, and my soul lives there still,
and lives on a yellow couch i left behind in a desert,
and chases dropped raspberry's down halls laughing the whole while,

occasionally visiting olive trees, and midnight oracles, and my grandfather's newfound ability to poke his fingers through rocks, dismantle presence, hug with his hairy chest circumstance, and somehow, make amends in one world all he'd wished we knew about him in another,
______(I know dad, mom told me... it's ok... it's ok... it's ok... sssshhh, sleep easy old man,

In Haifa i walked past the children's music school.
little cello.hearts beating out of time, violins screeching, and Mozart laughing and shaking his head while Stravinsky nodded yes! yes! (before conducting the rain, Mahler the wind, Bruckner the clouds, Brahms my soul,

here? _no!

soo close.
i can taste the ambrosia, the nectar of the gods (sweet Hermes, i dreamt once I was you and ran through a garden, couldn't stop for nothing, descended a staircase as myself,
______lived to see another day

Life: the limit of the world,
the end of time is soo near!
the end of space: the borders are already coming undone,

i can see the strings of my soul becoming detached,
my skin grows paler by the decade
tonality will be the only thing to follow me,

here, in this bedroom, santa monica, at this mundane hour, this mundane life, i see Heaven's plans descend and freeze, and smile and flap away, leaving feathers and clues,
oh sweetness!
future feet i'll rub before bed, __slam my hands into steering wheels in desperation, __disappear into 3am frenzies: _if i become any more human I'll slip through my skin, through the dirt, between roots of trees, the bellysleeping snores of the earth, through his space-ruffled sheets, __all black, _all silence,

under a star, besides a daffodil, three clarinets will mimic wind to make me feel better,
a bearded man, strong only in utter nothingness, will smile, blue is a color i remember...
how long have you been under this tree?
me?
...
a few springs. a few summers.
the tree gives good shadow?
yes. __remember the last time you were here?
__yes. __i was a nothing, __i was soo beautiful. __i was only a God's dream, the hope of an infinity, the desire of a certitude.
look now my son: faceless face, dreamless soul, forever enshrined in timeless,
forever loved in history,
forever excelled of the flesh, escaped of gravity,

a ghost?


oh no. a soul having crossed an ocean with a whistle.

(here, now... already... _moments, __[gasp] (i'm nearly nothing!

*__*__*

a wave washes a shore

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