Friday, December 12, 2008


In the vernacular, "Doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person. The word is also used to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision, in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection. They are generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death. In Norse mythology, a vardøger is a ghostly double who precedes a living person and is seen performing their actions in advance.

Lichtzeichnungen by Andreas Nicolas Fischer

q. __(#1.) __(screw up your courage)
i never left haifa. i woke up that morning. i got dressed. i sat by my bed and looked at my bags all packed and ready to go. i tapped my knees together. then i stood up, unzipped my blue bag (that because of this, would no longer break in Prague a year later) and took out a few socks. i made a little mound of them in a corner. i took out my black notebook, turned to the first page, and ripped it out. i walked to my pin-up board and pinned it up. the first page; __not the last.

q. __(#2.) __(run Orestes, run!)
i left Martha's key at the hiding place she showed me and walked into the city. i sat at the crumpet shop with a refillable mug of gourmet earl-grey tea. i stared at the pink neon lights of the strip club opposite with my eyes out of focus, so it could have been Las Vegas or toxic flamingos i was looking at, wouldn't have made any difference. i payed the $1.37 i owed, and walked out. boarded the train, asked for the farthest stop. when i got off there were few tall buildings and it was windy. i walked over and asked for a bus somewhere. they said i was at the wrong stop, had to go back into the city, go to the bus terminus and go from there. i shook my head and started walking away, for no reason, in no direction at all. i kicked a white rock for 45 minutes to pass the time. i carried my brown leather overnight bag on alternating shoulders. an hour later a car pulled up besides me, asked me if i knew where i was going. not LA i said. why not?
- my grandfather died. there's a funeral on.
- isn't that a reason to go.
- no.
- why not?
- because in my notebook i wrote i am too not ready.
he nods when i say this.
- i'm going to Carrick, ya know where that is?
- no.
- it's -
- don't tell me __ doesn't matter
(i'm getting in the car as i say this)
- what'll you do when you get there?
- try and get as far away as i can.
- how long will you keep that up?
- till it's silent.

q. __(#3.) __(gatsby)
i am ___that's ____if i see ___________need _____ __bear (to) _____ _please.
un ___ _why __ _ _you . ___ ____ __ __more _______bare ________ _please.
(still)_ _ i worry ___i don't : __ ___ ____time __ __ ___open ears _ _ ___please.
sure. _ _ ____ __ _ be not a failure ,still) _(all say that)_ to willing sirens. _ see?

q.__ (#4.) __(the wasteland)
he didn't say much at the airport. he looked thin. i took him to eat, he nibbled a little and forked his food around a lot. finally, he looked up, and worriedly said that he couldn't stomach much more. i said it's good to have you home son, he smiled graciously. thanks he responded. when he walked in, he stood in place and stared at the piano for a while. finally he nodded at me, walked into his room and shut the door behind him. he hasn't been out in over a day... i'm not sure what to say to him, and the thing is

q. __(#5.) __(the Eumenides)
2008 ends.
and what did you do in 2008 Mr Naohkart?
i ran and ran.
where to?
i'm not sure yet.

q. __(#6.) __(new years)
rest in peace our son, who fell asleep at the wheel, and with limp resting body joined silence, translucency, and eventually: transparency - since his eyes were closed, his last memory of this earth will be ... whatever his dreams had led him to. blackness. blackness and silence.

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