thoughts.

dear future.wife,

i've been thinking a little bit about you these days. it's not that i miss you more or less than usual, or that i anticipate bumping into you at a bus-stop or in the library or anything. Only that... well... i think you'd enjoy being around me just right now. and it's not just you i miss either. Ashtree would find me soo enjoyable right now. Mona would find me light. Martha would find me outright annoying as i'd stop every three paces to start a new converation with someone. Anjali would stand back and say: are you done now? with one hand on her hip. Gol would try and stack numbers up against mine.

it used to be, and still is, and always will be, that when i feel little bubbles of happiness burst in my chest i'd run for a prayer book right then and there. right then and there. no delay. i figured it was such a rare thing to be able to pray and want nothing, just... hey G. all good down here on mortal-plane. just wanted to holla atchYa. increase the peace Yo. Bless Yo'self. this is a similar feeling. just want to shake hands with the world once when i'm at peace with it.

and there are different kinds of loneliness of course, and some go away and some never will, and you can only really fill one of them- but this isn't about that at all. it just seems like a trip we ought to have taken together. and i can sit with my feet on the coffee table reading Donaghue v Stevenson and you can lie sideways with your feet in my lap and i can use my green pen to highlight phrases and draw stars on your toes.
____and we can go do RedBull runs at 3am while jamming to M.I.A., and of course you can borrow my car.

doesn't it just seem like a tremendous waste to make everyone endure soo many of my sadnesses when none of you are here for me to show you who else i can be? who soo-much-better-now else i can be. i don't understand it really. but it doesn't bother me that much. (right now, nothing does.

much love babyface.
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