call me and tell me a joke to keep me awake in this traffic

II. "The Ratio Decidendi" of a Case in so far as "the" Implies that there is One and Only One Such, is Probably a Meaningless Category

(the second heading in Chapter 7 of Precedent and Law Julius Stone)








courtesy overduerent


i missed sunset because i was asleep on my sofa. and out there people did what people do, and cars made noises as they drove on to unseen futures. and unforseen futures sat on sofas, a little tired too, and waited for cars they've never dreamed of to come upon them. and we all wait and look around a little self-consciously, cross our arms for a few moments, before feeling still more awkward and uncrossing them again.

it seems (upon waking, my brain resuming its by-default function with little concern for what the rest of me is.does.wants to do),

____Then love until we bleed
____Then fall apart in parts

seems to be a most adequate summary of it. on too many levels. (scratch the back of my neck where little hairs have sprouted, new colonies. i am sprouting protein-flowers. i am just a different kind of garden).

the fan twirling trips me out a little. something about sinusoidal motion is soo calming (the beach) and soo unnerving (the beach). there is something soo delightful in the notion of something novel (shooting-stars!), something soo incredible and new new new in a way that is new, like (new(est)) love or recently discovered flavors of ice-cream or the notion of ratio decidendi, which my brain uses as a toothpick to pick its teeth with. (spits something out, gross dude, and casually discards the pick.)

i'm going to have to formulate a list of healthy escapes from myself.

"do you want a bag of weed?"
"what?"
"a patient of mine couldn't afford to pay, and gave me a big bag, you smoke?"
"..."
"i can see you're thinking deeply"
[you have no idea]

"what do you mean she offered you weed?"
"she did, a whole bag"
"did you take it?"
"no. but i'm thinking of calling her back"
"damn. i used to smoke like... like... that's all i did."
"i never did. makes me dizzy."
"then why do you want it?"
"i need something"
"i feel that holmes"
"let's take up..."
"yoga?"
"no. fu&* that, i was thinking like a narcotic of some kind. or promiscuity."
"dude, you wish, you couldn't if you tried and i know cause you always try. then when the opportunity prevents itself you rout."
"i'm not sure you can use rout like that..."
"what _ ev _ er."
"should i get us the bag?"
"heck no."


Q, V4.3, BASIC PRINCIPLES OF RESTRUCTURE

- for every life-problem there is a suitable behavioral remedy.
- alterations of behavior are possible, and done judiciously will remedy life-problem.
- You do not exist. you are simply a conglomerate of habit and chance.
- habit can be remolded to make 'you' better.
- 'better' is a term defined by your own insecurity.
- insecurity can be sufficiently hidden with appropriate behavioral remedies. (buy & regularly wear a hat)
- if you feel like you are being corroded from the inside, that is insecurity. you will need more potent source of escapism. we recommend moving to Seattle for six weeks.


breakfast was a bowl of Kellog's Just Right! cereal and two RedBulls. Lunch i can't remember, that was something that happened before i fell asleep on the couch. dinner is something that perhaps exists in the unforseen future. every coffee, every energy drink, i can feel a tingle running my throat, a tightness in my abdomen as my body gripps intself for another spasm. i simply don't have the energy to do it any other way. i don't have the mental focus.

(mentally i promise myself, after this degree is over, to take a few months to go somewhere far and write a novel. this novel will be about all the things that happen randomly. nonrepetitively. just once, sometimes twice. whatever, just irregularly. anomalies. the interesting things. spontaneously. that i believe in, sparks. earthquakes. shooting-stars. shadows shifting to adjust to the high-beams of a car cutting through the dark too too late into a night... already a tinge of blue (you have to see it to understand the color... it's... black.blue. it's perfect.

if i am any color i am that.

i have to shave tomorrow.
(- self-presentation will affect the way you are percieved)

(i am too often floating)