Monday, March 16, 2009

portraits of some moments


____How far friends are! They forget you,
____most days. They have to, I know; but still,
____it's lonely just being far and a friend.
____I put my hand out- this chair, this table-
____so near:touch, that's how to live.
____Call up a friend? All right, but the phone
____itself is what loves you, warm on your ear,
____on your hand. Or, you lift a pen
____to write- it's not that far person
____but this familiar pen that comforts.
____Near things: Friend, here's my hand.

________William Stafford

incomplete, Alicia Block


'no i look terrible' you said. maybe you did, maybe you didn't. i don't know, but i felt it- and it showed too. in the photos its obvious, all smiling faces and my austere scowl.

and after another night sleeping on the floor, you in a bed- but with a cold, so i suppose it's not much better, and standing in the corner of a room looking for silence, 'how about now?'
'i need it.'
'me too actually'
and so sat on opposite sides of an empty room and said prayers for everyabsolutely noth(every)thing.

____jeff & shadi

- yes?
- sorry to storm in i got in i got in i got in!
- congratulations.
- um, can you please show some enthusiasm? I killed it!
- i knew you would, what do you want from me?, i knew you would.
- like scream or something.
- wait, let me call my wife, she'll scream for you.
- [ring]
-hello?, Shadi?, here Q got in and wants someone to be excited for him
- WHA... he... reall... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- [smile]


that little bitch. you tell her, if she comes near me, i'm going to punch her in the face.
(ps i love you)


- you never wear heels
- you have mischievous eyes
- we have the same eyes
- no, yours are worse
- no yours are
- no yours are
-no yours are


it's 2009.
half a decade we've been friends.
in numbers it's only 5, in moments it's...
in lifetimes it's at least several.

i can't remember not knowing you.

i want to tell you something no one else will understand:

i had a dream last night. i was in a large bed, watching old movies with an elderly lady. one finished, i put on another. she liked that i liked old movies. i felt comfortable. i woke up. i felt the saddest i've been in years. i can't think why. (dear soul: where were you? what was the story in your language?)

i'm listening to brahms and the rain. they interfere with one another so i don't know which sounds more natural. which makes more sense. which is more familiar.

but, 2009...

let's go to seattle.
yes really.
like... this weekend.
yes really.
like... how?
like we'll drive.
to seattle?


i come out my bedroom. yesterday this is. sunny sunday. i'm in shorts, she's standing in front of the refrigerator filling her water bottle, she's fully dressed.

when will the guests be here?

she turns to me. not a word, and shakes the bottle in my face so my entire torso is wet. i stare back at her a moment. her eye sparkles like when i was 13 and she last did something like that. (i'm sorry mom, you've had too hard a time. years since i've seen you be yourself). she's holding the bottle in one hand in front of her chest, i squeeze it quickly from either side. water leaps up like a fountain and she's drenched. she yelps, collects herself, and calmly as anything: right. you're going in the pool.

with one hand to the front of my shorts i'm being dragged across wet tiles and slipping sliding cursing (LAUGHING) pushing against her soft but still-strong body (as she screams at the top of her lungs) we fight our way out the open sliding door (no one having quite the clear advantage yet) and you're going in no YOU'RE going in no YOU'RE going in, and finally

we're both in.

i haven't felt 13 since i was 8.
it's been a long time.


alexandra said...

why is william stafford so perfect?


a penny for the old guy said...

there's just no point writing.
i quit.
everyone: go read Willian Stafford instead.

Anonymous said...

right now - you are not my favorite adjective.


right now this .... this .... this silence echoing in between your beating heart - that is my favorite.

golriz said...

i have never shivered like i shivered in the czech republic.

martha said...

if she comes near me i will still punch her in the face.