my mooshcake brings all the boyz to da yard

mooshcake-sandwich by apennyfortheoldguy


NICKNAMES ENDURED BY MY GF; A LIST:

- jiggly puff
- jiggs
- babs
- dickface
- hangon lemme callyouback [beep. beep. beep. beep.]


REASONS I AM AWAKE AT 3:14AM SATURDAY JUN 26

i alternate between complete FrEaKoUts and completely not-caring-ness. neither of which is particularly...

___but which make me tired.
in any case. if you wanna talk about restitution, or norms of international customary law, i'm probably your guy. except, as far as i can tell you're not two dimensional and things that aren't white with speckles of black forms on them confuse me.


WORDS

as far as i can tell, __forces , changes rather ::
see __machine. ____big machine. takes in
food. water. ____(air, __when it can be found).
__leaves detectable smell.
__hair , ____dust - but, __who knows which god makes all that dust,

which god makes silence.
for what it's worth ::

__________time
is its own
go d.


THINGS

(1) i'm owed a cheque. in the mail. how lovely.
__- what's the award?
__- for what?
__- the evidence prize.
__- oh. __i don't know. __i hear it's a cheque.
__- how much for?
__- fine. i'll take you to lunch.
__- don't be stupid ;
__- ...
__- you have to take me to lunch regardless.
__- good. cause i was having no regard.
__- why aren't you excited?
__- i like it better when i get... book vouchers or... actual prizes.
__- you've never once opened the books you got last semester.
__- i know but they make me feel nice when i see them on my shelf.
__- easy fix. you give me the cheque, and i'll buy you a book or two so you can feel nice.
__- maybe i'll use it to contribute towards buying another suit
__- you just bought one.
__- i know
__- no, seriously, by just bought one i mean, on Sunday. like 6 days ago.
__- two words: Filipa K.
__- that's actually a name and a letter. a pronoun and a consonant. no really two 'words'.
__- don' get all scrabbletastic with me.
__- dinner then?
__- fine, i'll take you to dinner.
__- duh.

(2) i think i'll buy a little fish. i really want a cat, but given the allergies, i think i'll buy a fish. i really wanted a cat to sit on my desk while i read at 3:33am and kinda sleep and purr and keep my company. failing that i think i'll buy a little fish. i'll name it Moby. (after the whale not the vegan skinny guy with the one good album). or actually, this is really clever, i'll name him Captain Ahab. bit of role playing. that way, he can call me moby. except he'll be saying it in fish so it'll sound like [__bl____bll _b].

(3) i want to murder my car. i understand such anthropomorphism must be confined to the literary realm and therefore i cannot actually per se literally in physical actual reality-land kill my car. nevertheless, i think if i drive it off a cliff somewhere that might symbolize the sincerity of my emotions.

(4) hungry = cereal.
wait a week.
then you feel ill.
try it.
you'll see.

(5) otherwise the heater can keep me company. when i'm sad william basinski. when i'm happy some book or another. the hearts of once-were-trees sliced and well presented.

eat a date. drink tea.
if it's meal time cereal. cereal. cereal.

i am too tired to contemplate sleep. __(and anyway,
sleep is too tired to contemplate me.
sometimes i think rather i am time's fish. sitting on its white desk saying [_bl_b ]. he looks up and watches me turn twice around. then he goes back to his business of pulling rugs out from beneath people.

(6) is this actually writing?
is this what this is?
is this how it works?
i used to be pretty alright at this thing did you know that? it's true. there was a time i cold string a pretty sexalicious sentence together. brought all the boyz to da yard. __(as they say).

(7) i like slow.
i think, one day,

maybe i'll start praying for it.

only when things did slow down i'd find some new must-do goal to go and ruin it all again. perhaps when i'm old, 79 maybe, i'll be sitting on a couch and in one hit, 40-odd years of running and rushing and reading fast and memorizing and jogging and falling in and out of love and poverty and sadness and unreasonable glee will finally catch up to me puffing. like... everything i don't have time to feel right now because i need to sort out erga omnes by next week...

laws that apply to everyone. rights towards all. obligations shouldered by all.

time.
air.
cereal.

cast your vote.
kiss her goodnight.
dream fast,
listen patiently.

(8)

where was i?

am i?

?