nocturne (4:16am)

untitled by lauren treece


for the third time this week i've missed out on bon iver tickets.


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i can't sleep. __or won't.

wait (ing) for the rest of it.

any morning now i'll wake up to myself.


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the 4ams are too existential. ___quite contrived really.

i have no deep answers though. _am not even that concerned.

my energy i invest in forgetting._ avoiding.

i wish i could walk into snow.

___(when i went out to run the moon was red.

___till half an hour ago i could hear people howling at friday night)


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my energy i invest in being eroded.

any morning now i'll be smoothed-over.

lost again and founder than ever at the same time (depending on where you look from).


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it occurs to me i'm drained. __maybe.

no motivation. __no interest. __not much happy or sad.

quite inert really.

it's a funny feeling - approximated by dizziness , floating with nothing to hold.


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wherever i land i must remember to grow roots.

what i have failed as a man i can remedy as a sunflower.


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for two years i never stumbled across flowers to bring you, and never sunflowers.

now every corner is sunflowered._ in the grass. __there are stalls selling them everywhere.

i feel emasculated when i see them. __they scratch.


___*___*___*

this must be the final chapter of my youth.

it's about time now , there are too many pages already.

all our patience has dwindled.


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any morning now.

a knee mourning gnaw.

(these sounds make no sense anymore)


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madam, excuse me. i am lost. can you help me escape the sunflowers?