the hague: 5-7am

distance won't hurt us by meyrem


i hear a mad crash and run to the window. hail, the size of marbles. it's 5am - a pitch-black 5am, if not for the streetlights. come look, it's amazing i say and she jumps out of my bed and comes to see. the sound is enormous. in a minute the whole street, the cars, everything i can see is covered in it. the streetlight just outside my window makes the hail look like fireflies. the street is a pale yellow, a pale fire. we stare out with the window open, a cold rush like a slap against our faces. i want to go outside and slide on it i say. she gives me a quizzical look: better you stay with me she decides. i laugh as i close the window, shaking my head.


___*___*___*

i'll behave, i'll behave i mumble as i hide my face in the pillow. she leans over and whispers in my ear. something in french i don't understand but all the silk of night isn't as soft as her words. hot chocolate and warm showers and lace lingerie stitched together. i'm dead-serious: i won't behave if you do that again. a few moments later i feel her hair against my ear and a little fairy slips into my head and a star passes across my body, my lips go straight for hers. she turns her head a little so i get the side - ok. you weren't kidding she realizes. ___from farther away this time she whispers something into the air. i try and remember the sounds, but they all vanish a second later. dissipate like the loveliness of a summer afternoon i can see the sun set on them and no matter how hard i try i see them go. they're absorbed into me. the memory of them is locked in my bones. __sounds soft as an eyelid. dear god, those sounds what they could did do.


___*___*___*

her hand rubs across my cheek. i've never had a beard before so many sensations are new to me. a hand across my cheek feels brand new. a complete novelty. an amazement, it's gentler than i remember. _but, then again, it's been so long since i had this sort of affection, a caress. maybe it's not new, maybe it's just a rusty memory.
___her hand passes. i see ship's sails unfurling, moons rising, a white dream expanding. i'm suddenly so calm. drifting.


___*___*___*

mid-dance i've lost my temperance and bitten her clavicle. i felt her shudder, taking that as a positive sign i kissed her shoulder, ran my lips against her neck and kissed somewhere behind her ear, just hair and that always-perfect scent women have.
- hey what do you think you're doing!
[i'm still holding her around the waist, with my face against hers]
- i have a legal excuse for my behaviour.
- you don't drink, you never have an excuse.
- i blame the dress.
- the qua?
- your dress, this one [i run my hand up her arm and under her shoulder strap so i'm holding her shoulder]
- ah! so now you're blaming me?
- you bewitched me. how dare you take advantage of me like this!
[she laughs]
[i escape un-slapped]


___*___*___*

when i wake it's light outside. the sun rises about 10am, it must be... g'dammit. it's noon already. i manage two bowls of cereal and fall asleep again. __it's 6 when i get up. another bowl of cereal. what's wrong with you? my roomate asks. i shake my head. i heard voices in your room, did you get to sleep late? i think how to respond to this. Finally: friendly ghosts make for happy nights. he has no idea what i'm talking about. go back to sleep, you can tell me about it tomorrow.