Thursday, April 26, 2012

round here.

untitled by xixi cao

i walk in the lights are off. __the lights are off and it's quiet. __(just what i wanted it).

so heavy


my tie's half done, flapping outside my vest. i never got through taking it off. one shoe's still on. one of my sleeve buttons open. a trail of papers falling out of my briefcase from door to bed from trying to get my keys at the door.


it's too late.

for everything.



there's never an open grocery store i haven't eaten in days.

i had to choose between the dry cleaning and the grocery. __can't carry both.

i wonder if there was another me how i'd carry us both.

(and if there wasn't, how much heavier it might be to just carry ... ___me)

_________(does anyone even know anything heavier?)


______may came home with a smooth round stone
____as small as a world and as large as alone. []


in the dark ___ all these words carved in the walls ___i can hear them
calling to be called.

names or daffodils ,

dreams i'd 


slouched by the bed. it's nice. the floor, it's nice to remind yourself it's there. i feel like i'm falling too frequently much always. ___but here, hello floor. i like you so much. soo much. ___i wish you knew how much. __you'd like me too , if you knew. if you knew you probably would i think.

nice to imagine there's a stop point, end of the sentence, time's up, burger's finished so are the fries.

the closet door is slid open. half the coat-hangers are on the ground. they don't fit properly. they jam every morning i get angry and knock a few more down. ______each time i think i hear.feel a rib break.


is there anything you need to say to me? she asks as she's rushing out. no judge. she stares back at me a few seconds surprised. i'd usually hand her a giggle or a well-wish or a slightly sweetened second. ______o k. ___see you tomorrow then. ______half a minute has morphed out of shape. yes judge. good night. _________i sound hollow. sound coming out of a pipe-smoked-tree.


my god. 
mon dieu. 

it occurs to me. 

i'm going to set fire to something soon. 


in other lives there might be solutions , or problems.

round here it's just time.

just time.

the short and long of it.

crammed into a box and stretched on a rack.

Nothing , . round . here


no   ______,here


Capone: said...

here is my list for you:

1. watch a mandy moore movie - in the next 5 days.

2. listen to something ridiculous (like the spice girls) - in the next 4 days.

3. eat fruit - as soon as possible.

4. get a non-erotic hug - as soon as possible.

5. breathe deeply now.

6. exhale deeply soon after that.

7. close your eyes and image a plate of pancakes and bacon - soon to be had at swingers.

8. continue with eyes closed, you are wearing a hemingway sweater and reading ...shanley, in a hookah bar with you la usuals trying to be deep but they make you laugh so hard that you resurface.

9. hear a babies laughter...

10. remember that you are loved - deeply.

Selah said...

Your words always make me feel so sad - there's so much loneliness in this world and in your words, that I feel as if it should be distributed more evenly. Some people seem to have more than they can carry and it's bursting everywhere for everyone to see just like the papers from your briefcase, whilst for other's it's just a shadow in the back of the car, or an empty seat at the table, or a pressed flower in the back of a diary, or a childs drawing pinned to the fridge - a private loneliness. Whilst for others still they feel none at all. It's unjust and in the recognition of this fact I feel lonely.