tuesday, 22 Jan 2013

Sometimes Fusun yawned so beautifully that I would think that she had forgotten the entire world and that she was drawing from the depths of her soul a more peaceful life, as one might draw cold water from a well on a hot summer day.

____from the Museum of Innocence 







Viktoria by Lina Scheynius


there's no reason to be early, but that's what i am. i make pleasant small-talk with the receptionist as i wait my turn. , when i come-back out it's time to pay. it's expensive being crazy i say with a smile. but she doesn't smile. mine recedes too, as an unrequited outstretched hand.


___*___*___*

it's a small package in brown-paper wrapping. is it a box of chocolates? i ask playfully.
- yes, we knew how much you'd appreciate that.
- yay.
___right there, sitting at the dinner table, i open the packaging:


_________FOUR

______  QUARTETS

_______T. S. ELIOT


most beautiful design imaginable. simple, minimal. with a plastic protective cover. it's... so. beautiful. i say as i flip through it, remembering various passages and feeling pleased to see them still there. ___

- you guys really shouldn't have - is this what you got at the bookstore last week? [he had sent me photographs of a big second-hand bookstore he'd visited last week]
- oh, i don't think we'd find that particular book in that bookstore. ___in fact, i can tell you, it can't be found in any bookstore in Australia.

i stop, abruptly. it's a decisive motion, but i fumble it a bit because i'm holding it like each page is made of lace and gossamer - turn to the first page.



_________copyright 1943



that's all.

- is this... is this , what i think it is?
- c'mon, it's your thirtieth [a matter that still hadn't been spoken aloud]
- yes. but. __this, this, is it...
- ___yes q. it is.

then there is silence as i look at it again. with new eyes. it's startling. i'm startled - i felt a chill pass through me , this book really is made of lace.

___do you understand what this means? i ask. no one answers, i guess they know i'm about to tell them what it means: it means this book, this bundle of papers is almost as old as these poems - at least - it's as old as the first times that people like us ever had a chance to know them... this book is a revelation. the first time something happened - something big and important and... a revelation. a new world happened when this book came out and the shopkeeper in a store somewhere first flipped through it in... [checking the first page again] 1943. my voice trembles as i speak. i'm holding a newborn - something that's a newborn even when it's 70, it's a fossil of a newborn. ___they nod but i'm not sure they find it as momentous as i do. we're glad you like it q. happy birthday.


___*___*___*

- how are you feeling?
- terrible.
- how are you passing your days?
- i take lots of pills. i used to put on my headphones and work [on the house] through the day. then i'd get dinner with a friend. and frequently have sex with them.
- and now?
- i take lots of pills. i work on the house. i try and be alone. i think i'm addicted to it.
- does it make you happy?
- no. but i crave it.
[sigh]


___*___*___*

dear q:
keep trying bro.
(and spend some time with your book)
sincerely, q.


___*___*___*

it's... so. beautiful. i say as i flip through it, remembering various passages and feeling pleased to see them still there [

______Dawn points, and another day
Prepares for heat and silence. Out at sea the dawn wind
Wrinkles and slides. I am here
Or there, or elsewhere. In my beginning.

(from East Coker by TS Eliot)]