Thursday, April 2, 2009

thoughts (fragments)

in the wet this happens. dark knights- these are tired young men now. they have longish unkempt hair. unsettled hands that fumble across the unimpressive glass of coffee cups. packets of raw sugar. rub the oils of their fingertips into the red tables. (the streetlights burn yellow). women with too much skin do suggestive dances and kiss on the lips and smoke like its the cure to cancer.
(it rains a little more). (there's noise, always noise.

rage is a quiet thing like a mouse. lives in quiet corners. scampers around mostly unseen. teeming with unsensed possibilities. (here i think of blood noses and red roses with wet petals) (and the streets soo dark when it rains). A drunk young man screams nonesense gibberish out loud. A drunk young woman who's straddling his knee leans back and laughs. (the streetlights burn a urine tinged yellow).

the dark knights have unslept eyes and mumble their words. nod. focus on your eyes, look at you straight.

(but the beauty of rage is its ability to motivate action. revolutions. genocides. first-kisses.)

what good is it if clouds trip and fall to the earth from time to time? what does one do with all this water? ____(i think in my head what self-destructive, self-loathing habit to indulge. it is a difficult task... smoking? too 90's. cocaine? too expensive. promiscuity? too dehumanizing. jogging? too healthy. cursing? own it. marijuana? too 'teen'. alcohol? too cliche.


a strange thing is happening in my head. i am feeling little bits of nonsense coalescing. phrases. ideomethodologies. it is time i wrote a decent story, something that might perchance, mayhaps have a slim-to-impossibility of being published somewhere. it must be the me-ist thing i've never written. also i have a new theme to add to the bundle: comfort. affection. this is linked to (one of our regulars here) home. and the final one is transcendence. freedom from alleverything. my novel ends in a disappearance. mayperbe this story should end in floating. in flying. in unravelling. mostly i want it to end under warm blankets and in mighty hugs. in homes that feel like homes and at moments when its ok for time to stop. it is about the dross bllaahhh. hh .hh of life and the search to overcome. to over come. to get over and (be) come. to come. to orgasm. to feel, even if by cutting (hating) (cursing) (kicking) (jogging) (smoking) (f*cking) (losing/winning) (snorting) whatevering- yearning leaning moaning edging towards intimations of feelingness.

it will be a mass of Orestes running across empty plains chased by the furies. it will be young knights with sweaty noses their glasses slip down. it will be that uncomfortable heat that builds up in cars so that when we finally return and slide in it feels like the sticky air inside someone's stomach. maybe after my exams i'll go to Adelaide. sit in one of about 4 dark corners i sit in when i'm in Adelaide. drink bllaahhhh (whatever who gives a) and scriblle bllaahhh (whatever who gives a) and try and make it intensely good.



___- language has been differentiated into gears. can drop gears into quieter moods, and fluently return to more animated discussion. can transition deep&meaning and light&tasty as needed.
___- must improve suggestivity/insinuation.
___- can camoflage demonstrations of higher-value as 'natural', can utilize multiple-threads.
___- must overcome intimidation concerns through demonstrations of too esoteric knowledge, too inaccessible language. must convert intimidation into its more subtle form: admiration.
___- human-touch (kino) upgrade has been mostly successful. naturally access people's personal space through a progressive sequence of touches starting with light pats and ending in hand-holding/arm-in-arm walking, or heads-on-shoulders-while-looking-at-shop-windows type stances.
___- inner confidence improving therefore relying less on direct communication and more on 'the intensity of ones presence'
___- learning to stare into eyes proving difficult. in short bursts programming works fine, but must urge for full compliance to this principle. preliminary experimentation has not been unsuccessful, no reason full transition cannot be achieved in a matter of days.
___- must learn to absorb the vibe of the moment, use it as a gyro to convert possibility to action.
___- the nonexistent walls that are ever-present must be dismantled.
___- new music acquisitions have been minimal, but effort continues to be expended to this end
___- plan to supplement brain function with physiochemical stimulus is a go for after-exams
___- identity is largely settled upon, must now create ability to persuade people to join my frame-of-reference.
___- adventure and 'surprise' can be planned. keep handful of adventures in your pocket ready for opportunity. Collect, assemble and prepared the EMERGENCY SPONTANEOUS ADVENTURE-KIT.
___- no excuses, smoke it to the filter.

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