Saturday, August 29, 2009

People i wish well as my ADD plays up at the departure lounge of LAX as i wait for my flight to Seattle and mostly gawk at beautiful women whom i...

indiscriminately want to kiss [end of title fades into

start of post] I arrive late as always.usual run off the bus ; e-boarding? sure why not i look up the woman who checks my ID and boarding pass has tricolor eyes i stare into while she surveys my boarding passes, drivers license, then looks up to my face again, i smile big and cheesy i'd feel really good about the world(myself) if i could make you smile before i walk away? but she doesn't smile - maybe a Mona Lisa, but i can't tell it's too hard to tell so thanksyou i say and walk off - in the next isle a man does the same job he stands erect with chest pushed out i don't find him pompous or power-wielding at all more he's thorough and noble thankyou sir he says to a rushed looking Iranian man who smiles and darts off, sir, thankyou i say and emphasize you he looks at me funny which makes me feel a little funny for having said it so i walk away.

She walks past me summer-dress short hair and red canvas shoes, skin brown and healthy : dear Lordie, i haven't loved anything this much since i discovered blueberry muffins back in 2000. Sweetheart my dearest, you are my favorite, but she hasn't received my telepathic love-letter she's walking away now i turn around just to make sure she existed at all it's better this way my dear, no way in middle-earth i could sit opposite you for a whole coffee/meal/parkbench-conversation, simply impossible, you in the sunlight with all your youth and miracle under that and inside that and one with that dress and shoes and your hair a little damp and skin a little slippery (it is hot), it's no pretty sight when i eventually implode can barely control myself within 3-minutes no doubt i'm sure i would, and when i get like that i mustmustmustmust kisskiss and if of course (as always) you kiss me back funnylike or awkward i'd be distraught and the time-space-Q continuum would be completely negated and all future(s) would be lost - can't have that goodbye my love... i turn back around too fast my backpack is fine but i'm holding a weekend bag by the handles it twirls away from me (centripetal motion) and bumps a caucasian man the size of a hillock with clean blond crew-cut gelled back too neatly hair, denim shorts, sneakers, and an Ed Hardy tshirt ; i smile i'm sorry sir (but i had to check she was real) no problemo he says as he walks away two massive arms appear by his sides i notice them out of nowhere red (like crab claws) from all the tattoos but they make no sense on him, completely incoherent - they seem like a skin-tone relic from a former life (i'm glad you were nice it has assuaged my prejudice of you - dear mankind: i am soo terribly sorry if you wear an Ed Hardy tshirt i am judging you)

At Starbucks, all through security blahblah, finally relaxed, thankyou Lordie my life is great (MLIG) the Latino girl at the counter is delicious my my hello hello i say
__- hi what can i get you?
__- lemon et poppy seed muffin and a vanilla latte please
__- what size? [i point] - grande. she says. - grande. i echo and not wanting to leave it there i see her green nail polish when she comes back with my lemon et poppy seed be honest did you do your nails that colour to match your uniform? she looks at me funny, i give my award-winning mischeivous slash adorable smile, she smiles too, but doesn't say anything oh it's totally ok, i think your enthusiasm alone should win you the employee of the month hands down- i mean, if that doesn't do it what will? she giggles but in any case you're all ready for St. Patrick's day, think of it as a bonus. If i were an Irishman or a leprechaun you'd be irresistible.
__- exactly. she's smiling too much to speak clearly , saucepan-heated raw sugar brown with a dash of cherry cordial red in her cheeks from me messing with her
__- in any case you'll be ready
__- i'm ready now! she exclaims, accidentally with too much force, the first thing she's managed to muster oh lookatchyou i say with a proud smile sexy never left huh? She's stumped again. I say thankyou miss (as an aside: i love Paris, all that mademoiselle and monsieur speak gets one in the make-out and maybe touch your boobies through your black slip dress as i take off my suit jacket kinda mood) hey!, hey... she stops me but she's stumped again trying to finish her sentence have a good day she says almost as a question and you with a slight nod i walk away all clouds and marshmallows on the inside only to bump full-body face-first into a small Asian woman probably Chinese androgynous dressed mostly male in straight leg pristine denim pants and a baggy button up shirt, sneakers, bum-bag, and a neatly cut clearly confined bundle of graying hair my heart skips three beats she is soo delightful i think i've upset a swan. i put my hand on her shoulder gently and apologize soo sincerely it heightens the moment turning farce into momentarily-dramatic-but-not-cheesy-Life. Pardon me i say she nods in response and i nod in response to her nod and walk on ; past a curvy woman in a hot pink top curvy in all the right ways looks like a mom she has that softness in her face which looks like probably love ; and sit besides a varicose-veined woman very late 40's-maybe, skin old and tanned deep brown , light-blue dress light-blue toenails with lightning bolts drawn on them in glittery silver also in light blue velcro-sandals with blond hair ; looks like she's on her way to a gin&tonic and maybe losing $400-even in Las Vegas or with some old dear friends in Florida over a game of bridge before meeting Mr-high-school-made-out-twice-now-has-a-moderate-gut-but-a-Porsche-and-very-handsome-eyes for dinner wine and sex gets better with age i'm sure (i'm assuming) (i'm hoping) i'll need to feel young more desperately later (older i get) than i need to feel alive with it now
____(as a sidenote: she hauls herself off me ew i'm gross she says why i ask still trying to kiss her breasts (and her incessantly grabbing me with both hands on my ears hey Mr: my face is here ok? while i nod yesyes, of course dear kiss twice her lips once her nose and then find myself back in her chest) because i'm all sweaty, why do you last soo long? and i look up (from her breasts again, she shakes her head) and smile playfully as i try and lift her arm and lick her armpit grossgrossgross!! she yelps fidgeting in spasms now she's on her stomach with arms jammed tight by her sides i can't get to her pits i laugh gloriously (uh-oh she knows i've thought-up something most horrible to do to her) in one swoop i bite clean-ripe-and-wholesome a mouthful of her naked buttock oh my _ eff! God! eff you you f*cker! me laughing naked and equally sweaty diving off the bed to avoid her kicks)

Four seats down a young Asian woman describes some procedure meticulously into her cellphone yes, yes, and then i repackaged it with transparent packing tape not the other kind, the masking tape stuff not that kind, i used the more secure , and double taped everything, twice. so that's four times in total, and the box was closed as tightly as possible and behind her a woman who is attractive only because she tried really really hard to be sits sideways on a seat and expresses repeatedly how little she believes i don't believe it. _I don't. No. Not _at _all, __just don't believe it. Dear God. __That's what I said, _don't __no __don't believe _God _it. I do _not be _leave it. __No. __No way. _Can't. believe. _Don't. (very ostinato- Prokofiev would be proud)
__I turn around and see the most average looking man i've ever seen even looking at him i don't remember what he looks like long enough to write it down he has his ipod in and flips through an average-person-magazine. But on his shoulder a slightly chubby girl's face rests fully asleep - i'm addicted to eyelids i can't help it she glows she's wonderful in every way - you are the luckiest man alive i telepathically tell him but he just keeps flipping through his average-person-magazine you fool! make sure you kiss her hands when she wakes up! ok? brown hair half across her face she sleeps perfectly motionless i look to see if her breasts heave when she inhales but can't see and so look away.

On the plane the steward stares at me a little too long and smiles like i'm a breakfast-lunch-AND-dinner-roll with chocolate cake and a coupon for two free drinks why hello, mister (and just because i promised Ashley i'd tell everyone i meet i'm the gayest man alive only i f*ck exclusively sailors and pirates- and the scoundrels, miscreants, nomads, and loner outcasts of the high seas on broke-back tidal waves in small boats i rock like Bon Jovi, or small quarters in huge tankers whose potholes i steam up, so what the eff i think i go with it no-one ever believes me anyway i don't know why they don't make pants any tighter than mine)
__- hiya
__- having a good day?
__- yessir __i was late as all heck, just glad to have made the flight
__- mmm-hmm, so am i
__- ha! [i laugh as i walk past him, at my back he says
__- i luurve your glasses.
__- thanksbro [i say.
Later he's walking past and there's turbulence and he sits besides me, introduces himself Paul, shakes me hand (in total he'll have shaken my hand 8 times before i get off the plane, and patted my shoulder thrice), all very courteously we talk about Australia and the Great Barrier Reef and Dallas, TX and how i got these glasses because anyone who puts them on looks immediately smarter and i could do with people thinking i'm a little smarter i guess (ha! he laughs, oh Quue, he stretches it out like that, you _ are _ heeelarious). and he gets up and gets me another Sprite
__- Quuue, you don't drink?
__- no sir _why? you trying to get a girl drunk?
__- Quuue! you. Are. Terrible!
__- yessir.
__- you have any friends in Texas?, __if you do, you must come and i can show you around, this here [points to a woman sitting besides him in a stewardess outfit] this is my new-friend Carol, we met on Wednesday, but I'm showing her around Dallas tomorrow
__- [i think honestly] sadly Paul, got no buddies in Dallas
__- shame shame Qqquue. [gets up to leave - as he does this - more turbulence and he falls into a seat just near me] oh dearie me, look at that wonchya, i almost landed in Quue's lap! my my my. [Carol and I laugh]

friday kicks ass.