A --> oh! (thus: B

untitled by me
(ps if someone could explain to me how to upload my own photos without losing quality i'd be very appreciative)


i wasn't much concerned with my graduation. mom made such a big deal about it, GF too. then it occurred to me because of the medal there'd be photos for the faculty bulletin. i thought it might be appropriate to get a haircut. i finger a new tie. i run through all my ties in my head, they all have names: grandfather's funeral tie; med school interview tie; Jinab's tie Nos 1-6; grandfather's tie (the former is the one i wore to his funeral, the latter is his tie. but i feel it's important i have it, history, heritage.) i try out it's name: graduation tie. seems right. this is what i do. every occasion requires, every tragedy can be thwarted by a correctly chosen tie. it must be found, discovered, then, the worst excesses of misfortune can be avoided. no. not this time. i feel weird enough i actually care. i'm still uncertain about the big dinner and the... everything. it's all the wrong people anyway. i wish i could staple photos of you guys to their foreheads and listen to my ipod through dinner. i draw the line at the tie. i'll buy a tie when i have a job, that seems more fitting, at least then i could afford it.


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dear special court for sierra leone,

you should give me an internship position with the Judge's Chambers because i know all about international humanitarian law [this is law-speak for the laws of war]. i also need to be far away right now, just for a little while. i need to be in a room reading important things, i feel like it is necessary that i do that. i am not scared of the dark, even though people keep telling me i should be. maybe you can teach me to be. i will not bring fancy suits or shoes. i will grow my hair for the whole 4-5months that i am there and will learn everything about everything and am happy to go get you milk for your tea.

thankyou for your time,

apennyfortheold guy


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it's hard to write tonight, i don't know what the feeling is. it's hard to describe. it's like having your eyes closed and touching an object. it seems familiar enough but you can't say exactly what it is, that's how i feel. a little bit goodbye, a little bit i'm scared, a little bit onwards ho!, a little bit happy-to-be-alone, a little bit


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PRAYERS (A NOTAPOEM)

___i.
dear amazing all powerfulgrace deliciousness:
if you put a coin in me i'll dance.


___ii.
o Everything:
take a random letter from every word i've ever said to You it always spells
please?


___*___*___*

i'm half asleep in the morning, lying in bed staring at the ceiling trying to avoid wednesday (dear god why is it always wednesday?) she's cooking mushrooms and spinach. and turkish bread and hummus. she'll say see how kind i am?, i made you nice breakfast. i like that she uses the word 'kind'. not 'nice' or 'sweet'. kind.

the weather report says the sky is a little overcast because there is a cloud passing over us. it stretches from western australia to queensland. what? i think. i look at the television the cloud covers two-thirds of australia (the news reporter's moved on now). i tell a few people throughout the day but no one seems to care one way or the other about it. dude, that's a big effing cloud. they shrug. 'whatever. i wish the sun came out'.

i'm fascinated with this cloud.

what are you thinking about? she wants to know.
- the giant cloud.
- what giant cloud?
- did you hear the weather report?
- uhm, it said it'll be overcast right?
- yes. because of a big giant cloud that's covering the whole of australia.
- seems a bit big.
- it is.
- is this like your obsession with giant squid? am i going to be hearing about this for a while?
- it's a rreally big cloud.
- want more mushrooms? here, let me get you more dates, don't worry you can finish them i got them for you anyway.


___*___*___*

i know what this post is about now. i know how these posts work. i've discovered them at last. it seems recently i can't 'write' (in the proper sense). so i tease at ideas until i discover what i'm actually writing about (or trying to write about) (or at least trying to avoid). today's post is a question, the question is:

is it time yet?

i don't know the answer to the question. or even the context. or what it means. i just know it feels like everyone around me is packing and cleaning and putting things in boxes and i'm sort of trying to keep up. that's how it feels anyway. i've packed myself into boxes so many times i won't bother with newspaper and folding stuff or anything like that. just throw it in.


but seriously:

is it time yet?