thoughts (fragments)

a good way of making life awesome-r is to wear ridiculous socks. (see photo for evidence).


THINGS I KNOW AM THINKING MIGHT BE SURE OF CAN'T DECIDE AM PREOCCUPIED WITH, A SUNDAY LIST:

(1) life is a two-player sport.
i suppose it's easy to get a bit existential/overly-thoughtful when all your friends are having babies. but, it's just a personal truth i've arrived at. consider the following:
- two people can get a hotel and share a bed, a solo person sleeps in a hostel
- duos laugh more frequently - so life is more fun
- being with another person is irritating so you get to practise being patient more often, making you a more gentle, thoughtful and open-minded person.
- having a special friend means you regularly have to care for them. which means you're human more often.

my point? it's not that i think cuddles, humour/fun, gentleness and humanity are important. i'm saying they're basically the only important things.


(2) no spirituality no pivot. no pivot --> undefined unhappiness.
it's just been made really clear to me recently. when i'm disconnected from my sense of spirituality, and my practice of spiritual... 'stuff', i get unhappy. fast. and then everything is kinda not-so-good, for no apparent reason.

and when i say spirituality i mean something quite counter-intuitive actually. i believe in the Bahai Faith, which means i believe that you kinda have to do something to make the world a better place. of course i understand spirituality to be something that centres me, and makes me feel peaceful and at one with myself. but the fastest and most effective way of strengthening my spirituality (my connection to myself) is to do things for other people. ie, the fastest way to being happy is to forget myself and work on what i can contribute to other peoples' happinesses.

so that's one of my current think-projects. moving forward in life, in a life where i expect to spend more of every day working, how can i find avenues to contribute to other peoples' happinesses in a substantial and meaningful way? and regularly. it's not a problem, it's just a logistical calibration that needs to happen in how i approach my spirituality as 'an adult' <-- ew.


(3) when i'm single i rediscover my masculinity. (or at least one aspect of it.)
it's no secret: men behave differently in relationships then when they are courting you. it's okay, to attract a woman, we have to demonstrate certain elements of our character - things to get you to like us. then, once you do like us, we need to exercise the qualities necessary to maintain a relationship and care for a person. those things aren't mutually exclusive, they're just different. (and when men forget about the courting-version of themselves - who happens to be more playful, teases you all the time, is challenging and difficult to pin-down, does spontaneous crazy things (which women often interpret as danger, romance or fun), creates sexual tension, is more attentive to his appearance - women start complaining about how "where is the man i met 20 years ago? where'd he go? when did you get so... so... boring!")

ok. so i'm un-boring-fying myself. which happens naturally actually. certain things i might find inappropriate to say if i was in a relationship, i can say quite easily:

___- anything look good at the movies?
___- yes: you will. tomorrow night. 7/8ish.

all of which is quite fun. being more assertive than i usually am. pushing every situation/moment/conversation to its climax - which is terrifying. walking across a room more frequently to introduce myself to anyeveryone. being fit enough find myself undressed anytime any place and be able to stand proud.

(of course there's a... counterweight to this. because after the smart-talk, and the overly-brave-touchy-feely on the dance-floor, and the exaggerated gazing into pretty girl's eyes, the mildly disappointing first kisses, you're left sitting at a table with a bunch of people at 4:35am thinking: gee i miss XYZ / gee i wish ABC were here instead / gee i'd rather have stayed home tonight and watched LMN paint her toe-nails).


(4) where?
where do i want to be?
how will i get there?
what will i do there?

over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.