Ways of Doing Irreperable Damage to Your Body, a List:

____1. challenge Mike Tyson to a 2 round hit-me-as-hard-as-you-can-athon.
____2. get married. get fat. get bald. pretend it's all good.
____3. develop and nurture a hearty drug addiction. if the crack cocaine doesn't manage to wear you out, eating insects and living under abandoned bridges ought to do the trick.
____4. become a hippie. the sandals will hurt your toes, the hemp clothes will give you rashes, the ideology will molest your mind- but mostly, the diet will morph you into a herbivorous barosaurus (an enormous plant eater with a tiny head)
____5. go to Haifa and eat anything at all. wait 4 months. you will now begin sprouting hair and growing bulbous masses out of every orifice.
____6. build the following retaining wall in 48 hours starting at 7am on a friday and ending at 10pm on a saturday:

















(thanks for your patience to everyone who hasn't gotten a text, email, or general response from me in a little while. i love you all. also i can't feel my hands or stand up straight. when i recover i'll hit ya'll back)