close encounters of the blurrrrred kind

JIGGS DESCRIBES THE MUSIC I LOVE, A LIST:

a sunday smile by Beirut - 'it sounds like a pub full of australian drunks'

jamelia by Caribou - 'oh em gee, is it a circus of freaks or something?!'

disintegration loops II - William Basinski - 'is this what the inside of your brain sounds like?, like, just this one thing getting stuck in there on repeat over and over each time a little bit more muddled until in the end it's just bllllllllaaaaaaaahhhhhhh?'

raphael by Coco Rosie - 'play it again. _again! re-peat biatch.'

10 mile stereo by Teen Dream - 'f*ck i love this song, turn it up'

cascades by Flakjakt [thanks ash!!!!] - she makes a hand clap gesture and smiles.

*___*___*

Friday 13 August 2010 - CHRONOLOGY OF EVENTS

wake up
feel dirty
shower
rush to exam
do exam
feel dirty
rush home
shower
fall asleep


*___*___*

dear lifeominium i am boredzilla.
i'm pretty sure i used to be interesting. you'd meet me and i'd be all like 'hi. i'm Q. see that sweet girl over there? yah, she's awesome. i'm living on her couch. also, i used to live in israel. but i'm here now because i quit med school and didn't tell anyone and ran away. no. i'm shazerious. when my mom finds out she's gonna have a myocardial infarction. there. i said myocardial infarction, that proves i was in med school. __no i don't wanna talk about that anymore. __what then? i don't know. are you interested in Kant? __good. i don't understand him either. __That just leaves the Coen Brothers, dead grandfathers or counterfeiting currency then, take your pick. __no, we can't have sex. i'm too depressed. maybe in a few months.'

and now, i'm not interesting. i was speaking to an old friend on the phone and i actually said 'i hope you have tonnes of interesting stories because i've got nothing.'


*___*___*

i don't want to go to LA again. everytime i get to LA my mom sees me and says 'Q!!! i've missed you baby. good to have you home! here, i made this list of things you can do for me while you're here. and we actually have an appointment with the lawyer at 3 you have to come work out what the hell she's saying and tell her we disagree and can you call the bank as well - oh - actually, wait. yah, we still have time you need a haircut. go kiss your sister she's dying to see you.'

Mona :: i'm thinking we rent a car and bail. agree?

YES / NO ??

like. people keep telling me the grand canyon is one of the few things in life that is actually as impressive as its hype. i can drive now! i have a license and i won't sleep and be depressed the whole way!

my stepdad's going to Malaysia. but i'm gonna hang with Jiggs a few days so we can go see the Valentino exhibition (insert FREAKING_YUM here).


*___*___*

when i pull into the driveway i see the girls next door playing in their driveway. the little one's sitting while the older ones does jump rope. their mom watches and counts out loud. the dad's checking the oil on the car. looks nice. looks happy. stable. idyllic.


*___*___*

i wonder if everyone that ever got anywhere or did anything incredible was just terrified and insecure and completely insatiably unsatisfied. why else would you bother? why else would you work the extra hours to get a 92 (simply unheard of) instead of an 85 (exceedingly difficult only 2-3 people manage it)? why else would you run another lap?

sure you enjoy it. or did. or something. __maybe it's just me grasping at my very final last chances at doing/being something in this life. maybe that's all it is. and it's only because i'm only always insecure. not competitive, i'm not even aware of who/what else is going on around me. i'm too self-centred for that. it's just...

[deleted by author because he thought it came across as arrogant]


*___*___*

we were promised jet packs.


*___*___*

i want to play.

go to the beach.

make new friends.

jog.

drive a red 1970's mercedes that i wash in the sun on a sunday.

live in NY. or Marrakesh.

be Don Draper. __or Allen Shore. __or someone more like Q (whoever that dude is)

hang with Mona. __see the new Sofia Coppola movie with Golriz and then bump into Sofia Coppola on the street outside the cinema so i can propose to her so she can be my future wife and i can tell her i'm her number one fan and 'screw those hataz that didn't get Marie Antoinette'


*___*___*

f&ck i don't even know where my friends live anymore. Anjie, where the hell are you?

[in sadder tone:

i don't even know who my friends are anymore.

time gives them, and time takes them.
time and geography.
i've been too far for too long.

people drift faster than planets. one day i'll learn to make my peace with that.

for now Antonio Cassesse's second edition of International Law may be the only friend i have left.


*___*___*

one day i'm going to end a half-decent novel that everyone but me will love with:

i used to be a playboy
i used to be a dj
i used to be a dreamer.